You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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