I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
