Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
