My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
