i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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