one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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