its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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