Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
