She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
