this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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