there's paper in my vomit.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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