Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
