I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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