I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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