Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
