there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
