I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
