i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
