i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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