So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i barfeds in our rink
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
