since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
