my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
