Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
