Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
