Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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