Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
