I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
