feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
