I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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