ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
