I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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