yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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