I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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