Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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