Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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