I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
