all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize