I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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