I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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