were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
