drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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