My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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