She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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