the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
