don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
