Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
