Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
