I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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