i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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