omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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