He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize