i can't believe i had my finger in that
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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