Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
