apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
