I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm always down for nudity.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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