grandma shit on top of the toilet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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