ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
