Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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