She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
