I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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