sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
