on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
