it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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