I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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