Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
