Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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