A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
