fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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