So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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