I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
