So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
