she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
