I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
